I paused outside Lady Rudolphine's door and knocked hesitantly. After a moment the door opened. Wrapped in a frilly pink negligee, her short blonde hair tousled, Pipi von G and T smiled sleepily at me.
"Pipi!" I exclaimed, startled. "What are you doing here?"
"Sleeping, obviously. What happened to you last night?"
I blinked. Pipi's voice had changed. It was much deeper. And I had never noticed her very English accent before. "Where's Lady Rudolphine?"
Pipi stared at me coolly. I had never noticed her cornflower blue eyes. "I'm right here."
"Where?" I tried to peep around Pipi.
She sighed. "In front of you, stupid." And, as my jaw dropped open and the world went around my dazzled eyes, before I slumped to the floor in a dead faint, I heard her sigh again. "Honestly. Men. They just can't handle change. A little makeover and the boy faints…"
Eventually, I came back to life. I shakily sipped strong black coffee and looked questioningly at her. Lady Rudolphine or Pipi: what was I supposed to call her?
"Either," she answered. "Call me Pipi when I'm pretty and silly. Lady Rudolphine when I'm old and witty."
"You can flip back and forth?" I asked, stunned.
"Of course." She smiled, spread her hands, and rolled her eyes. The little blonde cutie transmuted into a dignified tanned old lady with a dangerous flicker in her dark blue eyes.
I gasped. "How did you do that?"
"I took over Pipi," Lady Rudolphine replied calmly. "Like a merger. Or an acquisition. Good deal for her too. Axel's lawyers would have cheated her out of her inheritance. And she really wouldn't have been able to handle Schloss Himmelsberg by herself."
"And you get a new body to play with?" I stared at Lady Rudolphine open-mouthed.
She nodded cheerfully, rolled her eyes again, and, there she was, cute little Pipi, throwing her blonde hair out of her face. "Isn't it fun?" Her voice was higher now and more accented and the eyes were a paler blue. "It's like playing with dolls."
"Is Otto ready for this?" I asked dubiously. "Does he know that you've acquired his fiancee, body and soul?"
"What's a body or two between friends? We've been together for so many years anyway. Variety adds spice to relationships." Pipi snapped her fingers. Lady Rudolphine reappeared. She frowned at me. "But where were you last night? You need another dose of Lethe."
"No, Lady Rudolphine, I'm not up for it right now," I moaned, dreading the thought of being boiled again in the hot shower. "I've just had the strangest experience. It's a long story." I told Lady Rudolphine about Madlenova's late-night seduction. "Then there's nothing much to tell," I said, shrugging. "We fell asleep. Madlenova had obviously put something in the tea. Another of these love potions you all seem to use." I glowered irritably at Lady Rudolphine. "Why can't you witches just content yourselves with Chanel Number Five?"
"Love potions are more efficient," Lady Rudolphine replied reasonably. "Go on."
"In my dream we were walking hand in hand in the moonlight. But the moon came closer. She was actually leading me towards the light. But the heart of the light was an impenetrable darkness. It came from... the dark woman. She stroked my face with her hairy paw. The fur was soft as velvet."
"What happened then?" Lady Rudolphine breathed.
"I clambered up in her lap and looked into her eyes. I knew that she would not hurt me." I shivered. "I entered the darkness. Madlenova was there. In that darkness we fought for a long time. She wanted to take me into her. I was afraid. Some part of me wanted to be taken, to lose myself utterly. She knew it and she fought harder. That was her mistake. I stopped struggling and let her swallow me. But she couldn't. She choked. Then I took her. But I couldn't keep her." I stared wide-eyed at Lady Rudolphine. "Then the dream ended. When I woke up Madlenova was furious with me. I still don't understand what happened."
Lady Rudolphine looked at me peculiarly and began to laugh. Clutching her sides, howling hysterically, she collapsed into a chair and waved her long legs about in the air. I averted my eyes and scowled at the wall. I didn't see what was so very funny about my sex life.
"How utterly hilarious..."
"The humor escapes me," I said stiffly and stared in outrage as Lady Rudolphine began to laugh again.
"That's what makes it so funny," she replied, struggling to control a fresh spasm of giggles. "You don't even know what you did."
"What did I do?" I cried in exasperation. My lower lip quivered mutinously. I wanted a warm bed and a pretty maid to bring me breakfast. I wanted a hot bath and a thick soft towel. I wanted silk pyjamas and a dressing gown and padded slippers and a big armchair in which to lounge all day sipping tall cool drinks and flipping through glossy art magazines. I wanted comfort and luxury and a life free of complications. Instead I had a bad taste in my mouth and the dismal prospect of a day filled with meetings. The image of Otto Hell cackling as he went ice-fishing fused with the sight of Lady Rudolphine chortling away. Why couldn't these grown-ups at least stop laughing at me if they weren't going to explain anything?
"You raped Madlenova."
"No, I didn't," I protested. "There was no violence involved. Besides, she seduced me. I didn't even want to go to bed with her."
"Didn't you?" Lady Rudolphine grinned. "Most men would gladly lose their souls to go to bed with her. Those whom she takes usually do lose their souls. To her. They become her creatures. She plays with them until she gets bored."
I shuddered. "What happens to them then?"
Lady Rudolphine smiled again. "What happens to people who lose their souls?"
"They go to hell," I replied devoutly. "And burn forever."
Lady Rudolphine shrugged. "Ah, hell," she said lightly. "Hell, is a metaphor. No devils with pitchforks, no eternal fires."
"How do you know?"
"Because I have been there." Lady Rudolphine's eyes bored into me. "And so have you." A sharp steel spike slammed, sizzling, into my heart, shattering it again into a million small pieces. I groaned and clutched my chest. The pain was so intense that I could barely breathe. It was all I could do to stop myself from screaming aloud at the agony. My head was spinning and I saw little stars before my eyes, cold stars, distant and cruel, mocking my anguish with their indifference. As through a fog I dimly saw fiery curls on a bowed head, a pure profile with full sensitive lips speaking words I could not hear, would never hear... Lady Rudolphine released me from her gaze. The spike slid from my heart. I gasped and blinked the tears out of my eyes. "That is hell," Lady Rudolphine said slowly. "Hell is being deprived of what one loves."
"I want Anastasia back," I mumbled sadly. "I miss her so much..."
"I know." Lady Rudolphine nodded sympathetically. But then her lips curled and she burst out laughing joyously. "And Madlenova knows too. Do you understand now why she is so insulted?"
I shook my head. "No. What did I do?"
"You dear silly man," Lady Rudolphine replied fondly. "You tried to turn her into Anastasia."
"How did I do that?"
"You overpowered her spirit and poured Anastasia into her. Of course, it didn't last for very long, Madlenova is far too strong to take over just like that." Lady Rudolphine cracked up again. She wiped her streaming eyes. "Oh, I should have loved to have seen Madlenova's face," Lady Rudolphine gasped between chuckles. "The vampire out-vamped, the biter bit, overpowered by a mere boy... Oh, dear, how very humiliating."
"What do you mean, I `poured Anastasia into her'?" I asked slowly.
Lady Rudolphine stopped laughing. She looked at me with enormous affection. "Where do you think Anastasia is right now?"
"I don't know," I replied, bewildered. "In Berlin with Axel?"
Lady Rudolphine shook her head. "No," she said sweetly. "She's right here. In you. She kissed you. Remember?"
And in that moment, I was deluged once again in an ecstasy I had felt only once before but which I instantly recognized. I felt myself drowning in honey, immersed in its slow lethargic weight, overwhelmed by the buzzing of bees on a drowsy summer day, imbued with the tangy sweetness of Anastasia. I can't remember fainting but I must have keeled over again. Going catatonic twice in one morning was a new record even for me, but then it was that kind of morning.
"Pipi!" I exclaimed, startled. "What are you doing here?"
"Sleeping, obviously. What happened to you last night?"
I blinked. Pipi's voice had changed. It was much deeper. And I had never noticed her very English accent before. "Where's Lady Rudolphine?"
Pipi stared at me coolly. I had never noticed her cornflower blue eyes. "I'm right here."
"Where?" I tried to peep around Pipi.
She sighed. "In front of you, stupid." And, as my jaw dropped open and the world went around my dazzled eyes, before I slumped to the floor in a dead faint, I heard her sigh again. "Honestly. Men. They just can't handle change. A little makeover and the boy faints…"
Eventually, I came back to life. I shakily sipped strong black coffee and looked questioningly at her. Lady Rudolphine or Pipi: what was I supposed to call her?
"Either," she answered. "Call me Pipi when I'm pretty and silly. Lady Rudolphine when I'm old and witty."
"You can flip back and forth?" I asked, stunned.
"Of course." She smiled, spread her hands, and rolled her eyes. The little blonde cutie transmuted into a dignified tanned old lady with a dangerous flicker in her dark blue eyes.
I gasped. "How did you do that?"
"I took over Pipi," Lady Rudolphine replied calmly. "Like a merger. Or an acquisition. Good deal for her too. Axel's lawyers would have cheated her out of her inheritance. And she really wouldn't have been able to handle Schloss Himmelsberg by herself."
"And you get a new body to play with?" I stared at Lady Rudolphine open-mouthed.
She nodded cheerfully, rolled her eyes again, and, there she was, cute little Pipi, throwing her blonde hair out of her face. "Isn't it fun?" Her voice was higher now and more accented and the eyes were a paler blue. "It's like playing with dolls."
"Is Otto ready for this?" I asked dubiously. "Does he know that you've acquired his fiancee, body and soul?"
"What's a body or two between friends? We've been together for so many years anyway. Variety adds spice to relationships." Pipi snapped her fingers. Lady Rudolphine reappeared. She frowned at me. "But where were you last night? You need another dose of Lethe."
"No, Lady Rudolphine, I'm not up for it right now," I moaned, dreading the thought of being boiled again in the hot shower. "I've just had the strangest experience. It's a long story." I told Lady Rudolphine about Madlenova's late-night seduction. "Then there's nothing much to tell," I said, shrugging. "We fell asleep. Madlenova had obviously put something in the tea. Another of these love potions you all seem to use." I glowered irritably at Lady Rudolphine. "Why can't you witches just content yourselves with Chanel Number Five?"
"Love potions are more efficient," Lady Rudolphine replied reasonably. "Go on."
"In my dream we were walking hand in hand in the moonlight. But the moon came closer. She was actually leading me towards the light. But the heart of the light was an impenetrable darkness. It came from... the dark woman. She stroked my face with her hairy paw. The fur was soft as velvet."
"What happened then?" Lady Rudolphine breathed.
"I clambered up in her lap and looked into her eyes. I knew that she would not hurt me." I shivered. "I entered the darkness. Madlenova was there. In that darkness we fought for a long time. She wanted to take me into her. I was afraid. Some part of me wanted to be taken, to lose myself utterly. She knew it and she fought harder. That was her mistake. I stopped struggling and let her swallow me. But she couldn't. She choked. Then I took her. But I couldn't keep her." I stared wide-eyed at Lady Rudolphine. "Then the dream ended. When I woke up Madlenova was furious with me. I still don't understand what happened."
Lady Rudolphine looked at me peculiarly and began to laugh. Clutching her sides, howling hysterically, she collapsed into a chair and waved her long legs about in the air. I averted my eyes and scowled at the wall. I didn't see what was so very funny about my sex life.
"How utterly hilarious..."
"The humor escapes me," I said stiffly and stared in outrage as Lady Rudolphine began to laugh again.
"That's what makes it so funny," she replied, struggling to control a fresh spasm of giggles. "You don't even know what you did."
"What did I do?" I cried in exasperation. My lower lip quivered mutinously. I wanted a warm bed and a pretty maid to bring me breakfast. I wanted a hot bath and a thick soft towel. I wanted silk pyjamas and a dressing gown and padded slippers and a big armchair in which to lounge all day sipping tall cool drinks and flipping through glossy art magazines. I wanted comfort and luxury and a life free of complications. Instead I had a bad taste in my mouth and the dismal prospect of a day filled with meetings. The image of Otto Hell cackling as he went ice-fishing fused with the sight of Lady Rudolphine chortling away. Why couldn't these grown-ups at least stop laughing at me if they weren't going to explain anything?
"You raped Madlenova."
"No, I didn't," I protested. "There was no violence involved. Besides, she seduced me. I didn't even want to go to bed with her."
"Didn't you?" Lady Rudolphine grinned. "Most men would gladly lose their souls to go to bed with her. Those whom she takes usually do lose their souls. To her. They become her creatures. She plays with them until she gets bored."
I shuddered. "What happens to them then?"
Lady Rudolphine smiled again. "What happens to people who lose their souls?"
"They go to hell," I replied devoutly. "And burn forever."
Lady Rudolphine shrugged. "Ah, hell," she said lightly. "Hell, is a metaphor. No devils with pitchforks, no eternal fires."
"How do you know?"
"Because I have been there." Lady Rudolphine's eyes bored into me. "And so have you." A sharp steel spike slammed, sizzling, into my heart, shattering it again into a million small pieces. I groaned and clutched my chest. The pain was so intense that I could barely breathe. It was all I could do to stop myself from screaming aloud at the agony. My head was spinning and I saw little stars before my eyes, cold stars, distant and cruel, mocking my anguish with their indifference. As through a fog I dimly saw fiery curls on a bowed head, a pure profile with full sensitive lips speaking words I could not hear, would never hear... Lady Rudolphine released me from her gaze. The spike slid from my heart. I gasped and blinked the tears out of my eyes. "That is hell," Lady Rudolphine said slowly. "Hell is being deprived of what one loves."
"I want Anastasia back," I mumbled sadly. "I miss her so much..."
"I know." Lady Rudolphine nodded sympathetically. But then her lips curled and she burst out laughing joyously. "And Madlenova knows too. Do you understand now why she is so insulted?"
I shook my head. "No. What did I do?"
"You dear silly man," Lady Rudolphine replied fondly. "You tried to turn her into Anastasia."
"How did I do that?"
"You overpowered her spirit and poured Anastasia into her. Of course, it didn't last for very long, Madlenova is far too strong to take over just like that." Lady Rudolphine cracked up again. She wiped her streaming eyes. "Oh, I should have loved to have seen Madlenova's face," Lady Rudolphine gasped between chuckles. "The vampire out-vamped, the biter bit, overpowered by a mere boy... Oh, dear, how very humiliating."
"What do you mean, I `poured Anastasia into her'?" I asked slowly.
Lady Rudolphine stopped laughing. She looked at me with enormous affection. "Where do you think Anastasia is right now?"
"I don't know," I replied, bewildered. "In Berlin with Axel?"
Lady Rudolphine shook her head. "No," she said sweetly. "She's right here. In you. She kissed you. Remember?"
And in that moment, I was deluged once again in an ecstasy I had felt only once before but which I instantly recognized. I felt myself drowning in honey, immersed in its slow lethargic weight, overwhelmed by the buzzing of bees on a drowsy summer day, imbued with the tangy sweetness of Anastasia. I can't remember fainting but I must have keeled over again. Going catatonic twice in one morning was a new record even for me, but then it was that kind of morning.
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