"Peace and love!" Xox proclaimed. The words reverberated through the auditorium. Xox beamed at the excited faces before him. "Are you well fed? Are your heads clear? Do you help one another? Are you happy?"
"Yes!" the students responded in enthusiastic unison. There were some scattered shouts of "Give us a million dollars and we'll be even happier!" Xox peered benevolently down.
"A million dollars?" Xox grinned. "What do you say to a hundred billion?" An awed gasp ran through the audience. "I hereby offer the University of Truth and Justice a permanent endowment of a hundred billion dollars." Xox turned to Otto Hell who was comfortably slumped in his chair, arms folded behind his head, snoring. "Lord Hades, as the rector of the university, do you accept?"
Hell noisily blew his nose into a disgusting snot-rag and heaved himself up with his walking sticks. "I do," he announced gruffly. The two men shook hands. "should also make another announcement. The University of Truth and Justice has been given a Presidential charter by Good King Wenceslas as a personal expression of his support. Gives us city-state status like the Vatikan. Means we can do whatever we want. 'Course we do already." The auditorium shook with thunderous applause. A couple of enthusiastic students began an impromptu Cossack dance. Hell thumped the podium with his stick. "Xox. Get on with it."
Xox nodded. "I will tell you a little story. Once upon a time a group of men sat by a lake, smoking cigars and drinking whisky while pretending to fish. They started talking, about their mutual business interests, about their families, about the meaning of life. They agreed that the state of the world was bad and that the future would be even worse. Was it possible to prevent humans from wiping themselves off the earth? Was it even desirable? Some held the view that we were a race of greedy irritable stupid apes who deserved to die out. Good riddance to bad rubbish, and why not exploit other monkeys meanwhile. Others were more charitable. Perhaps it was the mellowing effect of the fine single malt whisky they were drinking. They felt that humanity deserved another chance. They resolved to provide it." Xox smiled at the hushed audience. "I should mention that these men were all billionaires. We form a little group called MIDAS."
Xox took a long drink of water. I glanced over at Benito. He nodded back. "Perhaps it was already too late. Perhaps the balance had tilted and the apocalypse had already occurred. We agreed that we still had to try. Perhaps technology could still help. We decided to fund experiments in cutting edge science and technology. Some of these experiments have not succeeded quite as well as we had hoped. Space travel, for instance…" Xox flipped his fingers. A miniature rocket came whizzing noisily around the corner and crashed into the podium with a deafening explosion. Xox shrugged and spread his hands. "Other projects have been rather more successful." He flipped his fingers again. Gold coins cascaded down from the ceiling. I covered my head and ducked for shelter while everyone scrambled about desperately. Lady Snatcher was on her hands and knees, grasping and shoving with the rest of them, protectively grasping her pile of bullion to her bosom. Xox waited until the tumult had died down and everyone was back in their seats again, fingering their booty. "As you see, I have been investing in gold recently. Of course this worried a few people…" Xox smiled benevolently at Terence. "The secret services of the West were rather concerned, especially after MIDAS cornered most of the world's gold supplies. The decision by the European central bank to dispose of its gold holdings was most helpful. The secret services have been wondering just exactly why these crazy billionaires have been buying gold. The Sultan of Arabia has been most nervous. And with good reason. This is why."
Xox flipped his fingers again. A large white screen fell into view, covered with neatly scribbled equations and complicated calculations. The more diligent students began frantically copying. "A new formula for solar energy. While inexpensive to produce and completely environmentally friendly, these new solar cells do require a certain amount of gold. Unfortunately, human beings place a quite inexplicable premium on the value of this metal. So we bought it all. In this alchemical process the earth's gold will now help us to benefit fully from the sun's gold. And the energy we generate will go to water pumps and desalination plants in the third world. Nobody will ever die of thirst or tainted water again. Or of over-work. One of MIDAS's most active members is a great engineer in Japan. For thirty years now, Tamato-san has been developing industrial robots in his factory near Mount Fuji. He has finally made the ultimate breakthrough. Artificial intelligence of such a level that the robots can design other robots of ever increasing intelligence. Assembling each other in the darkness with complete efficiency. Factories throughout the world will be revolutionised by this combination of inexhaustible energy and intelligent labour. The age of the machine is over and the age of the robot has begun."
"Other experiments in biotechnology and genetics continue. Soon we will have cures for all the major diseases. We will be able to turn back the biological clock. Humans will be able to live forever in perfect health. But will we be happy?" Xox paused and gazed at his silent audience. "Technology can help to some extent. It can eliminate work, hunger and disease. But are human beings ready for eternal life and freedom? No compulsion to go to the office or factory, no desperate desire to buy all the satisfaction one can cram into a short ninety-year life-span, no greed or need that cannot be indulged in an eternity of leisure. Will we use our new freedom to develop all our skills and talents and to build bridges amongst ourselves? Or will we continue to struggle in a mindset forged in the age of scarcity, fighting and struggling like monkeys in a cage, unable to comprehend the new reality of endless possibility, the simple mind-blowing fact that the door to our cage has finally been opened? Will we struggle even harder and longer for primacy amongst ourselves, now that we can fight for all eternity? The members of MIDAS agreed that no technological advance would ever help if humans were not altered in some profound essential way. But how do you tame an angry monkey?"
"Cut off his balls!" a girlish voice pleaded.
"Starve him into submission!" someone boomed.
"Give him drugs!" Immanuel shouted happily.
Xox grinned at Immanuel. "That is exactly what we did. To all of you. We experimented with a new generation of drugs that make people gentler, kinder, and smarter. With irreversible effect. The ultimate alchemy, the transformation of the human soul. And you are the result!"
The spectators looked at one another in a dumbfounded daze. Immanuel broke the nervous hush. "Hooray!" he cheered loudly and began to clap. Others joined in. The tentative applause grew louder.
"And so I give you a toast!" Xox said loudly, raising his glass of vitamin-rich water. "Let us all drink to Peace and Love! For now and forever!"
A deafening chant resounded through the hall. "Peace and love! Truth and Justice! Peace and love!" Even Lady Snatcher and Monsieur Jacques were affected by the hypnotic atmosphere and the drinking water: the scowling old witch lost her ferocious squint and kissed her arch-adversary on his bureaucratic cheek. Jean Rameau reached over and shook the hand of his nemesis, Gunther Otto Troll. The huge hall was saturated with vibrations of goodwill and bliss.
Until the explosions started.
"Yes!" the students responded in enthusiastic unison. There were some scattered shouts of "Give us a million dollars and we'll be even happier!" Xox peered benevolently down.
"A million dollars?" Xox grinned. "What do you say to a hundred billion?" An awed gasp ran through the audience. "I hereby offer the University of Truth and Justice a permanent endowment of a hundred billion dollars." Xox turned to Otto Hell who was comfortably slumped in his chair, arms folded behind his head, snoring. "Lord Hades, as the rector of the university, do you accept?"
Hell noisily blew his nose into a disgusting snot-rag and heaved himself up with his walking sticks. "I do," he announced gruffly. The two men shook hands. "should also make another announcement. The University of Truth and Justice has been given a Presidential charter by Good King Wenceslas as a personal expression of his support. Gives us city-state status like the Vatikan. Means we can do whatever we want. 'Course we do already." The auditorium shook with thunderous applause. A couple of enthusiastic students began an impromptu Cossack dance. Hell thumped the podium with his stick. "Xox. Get on with it."
Xox nodded. "I will tell you a little story. Once upon a time a group of men sat by a lake, smoking cigars and drinking whisky while pretending to fish. They started talking, about their mutual business interests, about their families, about the meaning of life. They agreed that the state of the world was bad and that the future would be even worse. Was it possible to prevent humans from wiping themselves off the earth? Was it even desirable? Some held the view that we were a race of greedy irritable stupid apes who deserved to die out. Good riddance to bad rubbish, and why not exploit other monkeys meanwhile. Others were more charitable. Perhaps it was the mellowing effect of the fine single malt whisky they were drinking. They felt that humanity deserved another chance. They resolved to provide it." Xox smiled at the hushed audience. "I should mention that these men were all billionaires. We form a little group called MIDAS."
Xox took a long drink of water. I glanced over at Benito. He nodded back. "Perhaps it was already too late. Perhaps the balance had tilted and the apocalypse had already occurred. We agreed that we still had to try. Perhaps technology could still help. We decided to fund experiments in cutting edge science and technology. Some of these experiments have not succeeded quite as well as we had hoped. Space travel, for instance…" Xox flipped his fingers. A miniature rocket came whizzing noisily around the corner and crashed into the podium with a deafening explosion. Xox shrugged and spread his hands. "Other projects have been rather more successful." He flipped his fingers again. Gold coins cascaded down from the ceiling. I covered my head and ducked for shelter while everyone scrambled about desperately. Lady Snatcher was on her hands and knees, grasping and shoving with the rest of them, protectively grasping her pile of bullion to her bosom. Xox waited until the tumult had died down and everyone was back in their seats again, fingering their booty. "As you see, I have been investing in gold recently. Of course this worried a few people…" Xox smiled benevolently at Terence. "The secret services of the West were rather concerned, especially after MIDAS cornered most of the world's gold supplies. The decision by the European central bank to dispose of its gold holdings was most helpful. The secret services have been wondering just exactly why these crazy billionaires have been buying gold. The Sultan of Arabia has been most nervous. And with good reason. This is why."
Xox flipped his fingers again. A large white screen fell into view, covered with neatly scribbled equations and complicated calculations. The more diligent students began frantically copying. "A new formula for solar energy. While inexpensive to produce and completely environmentally friendly, these new solar cells do require a certain amount of gold. Unfortunately, human beings place a quite inexplicable premium on the value of this metal. So we bought it all. In this alchemical process the earth's gold will now help us to benefit fully from the sun's gold. And the energy we generate will go to water pumps and desalination plants in the third world. Nobody will ever die of thirst or tainted water again. Or of over-work. One of MIDAS's most active members is a great engineer in Japan. For thirty years now, Tamato-san has been developing industrial robots in his factory near Mount Fuji. He has finally made the ultimate breakthrough. Artificial intelligence of such a level that the robots can design other robots of ever increasing intelligence. Assembling each other in the darkness with complete efficiency. Factories throughout the world will be revolutionised by this combination of inexhaustible energy and intelligent labour. The age of the machine is over and the age of the robot has begun."
"Other experiments in biotechnology and genetics continue. Soon we will have cures for all the major diseases. We will be able to turn back the biological clock. Humans will be able to live forever in perfect health. But will we be happy?" Xox paused and gazed at his silent audience. "Technology can help to some extent. It can eliminate work, hunger and disease. But are human beings ready for eternal life and freedom? No compulsion to go to the office or factory, no desperate desire to buy all the satisfaction one can cram into a short ninety-year life-span, no greed or need that cannot be indulged in an eternity of leisure. Will we use our new freedom to develop all our skills and talents and to build bridges amongst ourselves? Or will we continue to struggle in a mindset forged in the age of scarcity, fighting and struggling like monkeys in a cage, unable to comprehend the new reality of endless possibility, the simple mind-blowing fact that the door to our cage has finally been opened? Will we struggle even harder and longer for primacy amongst ourselves, now that we can fight for all eternity? The members of MIDAS agreed that no technological advance would ever help if humans were not altered in some profound essential way. But how do you tame an angry monkey?"
"Cut off his balls!" a girlish voice pleaded.
"Starve him into submission!" someone boomed.
"Give him drugs!" Immanuel shouted happily.
Xox grinned at Immanuel. "That is exactly what we did. To all of you. We experimented with a new generation of drugs that make people gentler, kinder, and smarter. With irreversible effect. The ultimate alchemy, the transformation of the human soul. And you are the result!"
The spectators looked at one another in a dumbfounded daze. Immanuel broke the nervous hush. "Hooray!" he cheered loudly and began to clap. Others joined in. The tentative applause grew louder.
"And so I give you a toast!" Xox said loudly, raising his glass of vitamin-rich water. "Let us all drink to Peace and Love! For now and forever!"
A deafening chant resounded through the hall. "Peace and love! Truth and Justice! Peace and love!" Even Lady Snatcher and Monsieur Jacques were affected by the hypnotic atmosphere and the drinking water: the scowling old witch lost her ferocious squint and kissed her arch-adversary on his bureaucratic cheek. Jean Rameau reached over and shook the hand of his nemesis, Gunther Otto Troll. The huge hall was saturated with vibrations of goodwill and bliss.
Until the explosions started.
