At first I thought it was the fireworks I had arranged, but then the blasts boomed louder, the walls began to shake, and the chandelier started showering sharp shards of glass all over the delirious assembly. Panic replaced ecstasy and the happy crowd became a frenzied mob desperately seeking escape. The exits were clogged by screaming swarms, pushing and shoving, trampling one another. And when the machine guns began their heavy clatter, the shrieks of terror and the wails of lament rose high with the sharp stink of cordite.
I saw Annichka cowering safely in a corner. The breath returned painfully to my lungs and I realized how much I had dreaded losing her again. I ran towards my darling and rocked her in my arms and wiped the tears away from her reddened eyes.
I felt a slap on my shoulder and I turned around. Xox loomed above me. He waved an arm at the maddened multitude and smiled widely. "Humans." He shook his head. "They need more vitamins."
"Humans?" I asked wonderingly. "Aren't you human?"
"Sometimes." Xox surveyed the scene of hysteria and chaos and smiled again. The grin seemed plastered to his face, the mocking amusement of an antique mask, the cruel serenity of a Buddha. "Did you put vitamins in the drinking water?"
"In the food for the reception as well," I confessed.
"Well done. In that case, we can leave soon, don't you think?"
I looked around. The untidy mounds of dead and wounded at the exits were slowly being pushed aside by the ugly snouts of field artillery pieces. And at the head of an army of purple jumpsuits were our old friends, the Cardinal now resplendent in white and gold Papal robes, Attila Ugh, his fangs flashing with malice and jubilation, Nero Insanetti gamboling along behind like an obsequious monkey, and a husky man with a hefty paunch and a drooping lower lip: the abominable Axel von Schadenfreude. And from another entrance, in the vanguard of another army, in raced a miniature tank, a motorized wheelchair carrying a roaring Rasputin resting a wicked-looking submachine gun on his plastered knees, his baleful eyes darting around, hunting without doubt for me. Just as Godfrey turned to point me out to Rasputin, I discreetly edged behind Lady Snatcher. "Yes. We should leave," I simpered. "How?"
"No problem." Xox pulled out a little device that resembled a remote control from the pocket of his trousers. "How does it work?" he mused. "Is it this button?" The chandelier came down with a colossal crash, along with a huge chunk of ceiling. The pillars supporting the rest of the ceiling began to wobble ominously. "Sorry. It's this button. There we go." A hole opened up in the parquet floor before us and a flight of stairs dropped into place. Xox politely offered his arm to Lady Snatcher. "Sorry about all the noise, dear lady. Let's continue somewhere quieter."
Xox and Lady Snatcher led the way. Lucy shepherded the other Big People along. I clasped Annichka and a trembling Barbie to my side and motioned frantically to Immanuel, Divka and Benito. The last thing I saw amidst the mayhem was Jesus in single combat with the Holy Roman Emperor. Numchuks whirling viciously like twin propellers, Jesus's face was a mask of intent and pleasurable concentration as he wreaked vengeance on Axel, who staggered about like a sleazy drunk, trying unsuccessfully to evade the brutal whipping. Axel looked like he was getting the short-end of the stick and I sighed with regret as Barbie and Annichka dragged me away from this satisfying spectacle. We followed the others through a damp catacomb. The murky maze meandered on through endless dank caverns, the eerie silence broken only by our heavy footfalls and the sound of distant water. Then the sodden track rose steeply and we were clambering along slippery ledges of hard rock. At last we emerged, breathing hard, into the light.
We were standing in the nave of the Cathedral, deep within the medieval fastness of the Castle. The flickering candlelight imbued the faces around me with a mysterious glow.
"Won't they follow us?" Benito asked.
"Probably." Xox didn't seem very worried.
"I ordered some nuclear weapons," I offered tentatively. "Should I call..."
"There's no need," Xox replied with a dismissive wave of his hand. "Our opponents must be celebrating their victory. Fighting is hungry work. They are feasting on the hors d'oeuvres that were arranged for our reception."
"You mean..."
Xox smiled. "They are almost certainly basking in peace and love even as we speak."
"So what do we do now?"
"Continue our little discussion, of course." Xox waved his arm around the cathedral. "Nice and quiet here besides a few inveterate worshippers who are used to noisy tourists."
"We could have lunch in the Castle with Wenceslas," Divka offered.
"What a very good idea," Xox beamed. "I haven't seen the President since I introduced him to vitamins. He should be most amused by all this."
"What about the university?" Immanuel asked.
"Experiment's over anyway," Otto growled. "Time to get down to the serious work."
I blinked. "You mean spreading the Nice pill all over the world?"
"You would like to put it into the drinking water, wouldn't you?" Xox winked at me. "Plop. Just like that." I blushed and hung my head. "Do you have any plans for your future?"
I shook my head. "Not really. Do you want me to go around poisoning the wells?"
"Oh no, my dear fellow." Xox seemed amused. "I have bought several mineral water companies for that purpose."
"You're going to sell the Nice water?"
"Of course." Xox spread his hands. "People are so suspicious of free things. They prefer to pay. This funny illusion of choice. So we will launch a world-wide marketing campaign with all the top models and we will charge outrageous prices. While the concept of money lasts."
"And then?"
"When money dies, so will notions of ownership. Do you have feel particularly possessive about your body, for instance? Do you need it for any special purpose?"
I looked over at Annichka. We grimaced apologetically. "Well, actually..."
"Don't worry. You can have your body most of the time," Xox said reassuringly. "I just want the use of it every once in a while." He patted his considerable belly. "Middle-aged spread, you know. No matter how much tennis you play..."
"Can I have the use of your body?" I asked cautiously, remembering the vigor and enthusiasm of his prolonged coupling with Lucy.
"Why, of course!" Xox cried. "And you are welcome to use the Learjet and the penthouse in New York and the mansion in Tuscany and the private beach in the Caribbean. Just as I can stuff myself with pizza and whisky when I am in your youthful body. It's like time-sharing. So convenient to exchange bodies periodically."
"What about Annichka?"
"Anastasia shares that body, doesn't she?" Lucy smiled at Annichka. "I've always wanted to be a redhead. Would you two mind if I joined you as well, darling?"
"Come to think of it, I'm getting tired of hobbling around with walking sticks," Hell growled unexpectedly. "Think I'll join you also. And I'm sure Rudolphine could use a vacation from Pipi periodically. Hard work, being an airhead."
Annichka burst into a radiant smile. "It sounds like fun!" my darling squealed. "Like playing with lots of crayons!"
Of course I couldn't refuse after that. I knew that no confusion of bodies could really affect us. Anastasia and I would be together, always. Xox pulled out a small box encrusted with precious stones, opened it, and handed glittering golden pills all around. "Nirvana," Xox murmured. "This is what Murti Bing and his team were working on."
"Utterly marvelous," Lady Snatcher pronounced abruptly. "May I have one too?"
"Why not?" Xox grinned. "The more, the merrier."
We raised the golden pills to our lips and smiled at one another. As I swallowed, I saw myself as through a glass, darkly, in a Tibetan monastery, meditating. But then the vision changed. The world was stifled by mushroom clouds and engulfed in flames and the screams of the damned rose high, a dim echo reaching even the arid desert plateau where I was wandering in a blind daze. And then I am among a band of fierce bearded warriors standing around a tank, scratching their heads. "Can you drive?" they demand. "Of course," I reply, a single tear of redemption coursing down my dusty cheek. And I turn the key in the ignition and the engine splutters to a start and we rumble off. "Callooh, callay!" the warriors chortle in their joy, whipping up their horses and riding along. "We have a khan!" And the cry resounds in the frozen air, as we ride off towards the rich cities of the setting sun, and more horsemen will join their number, the warriors of the indomitable sacker of cities, the father of dynasties, the immortal Genghiz...
My vision swirled away in a flash of color and I returned. The world was illuminated from within. I saw the reality of forms and shapes, the incessant movement and interaction of minute particles, the evanescence of monads. And I knew that there were other channels for anger and war, for peace and love, and that I could surf effortlessly between these myriad levels.
But then Xox pulled out the remote control from his pocket and pointed it at me and pressed a button.
I saw Annichka cowering safely in a corner. The breath returned painfully to my lungs and I realized how much I had dreaded losing her again. I ran towards my darling and rocked her in my arms and wiped the tears away from her reddened eyes.
I felt a slap on my shoulder and I turned around. Xox loomed above me. He waved an arm at the maddened multitude and smiled widely. "Humans." He shook his head. "They need more vitamins."
"Humans?" I asked wonderingly. "Aren't you human?"
"Sometimes." Xox surveyed the scene of hysteria and chaos and smiled again. The grin seemed plastered to his face, the mocking amusement of an antique mask, the cruel serenity of a Buddha. "Did you put vitamins in the drinking water?"
"In the food for the reception as well," I confessed.
"Well done. In that case, we can leave soon, don't you think?"
I looked around. The untidy mounds of dead and wounded at the exits were slowly being pushed aside by the ugly snouts of field artillery pieces. And at the head of an army of purple jumpsuits were our old friends, the Cardinal now resplendent in white and gold Papal robes, Attila Ugh, his fangs flashing with malice and jubilation, Nero Insanetti gamboling along behind like an obsequious monkey, and a husky man with a hefty paunch and a drooping lower lip: the abominable Axel von Schadenfreude. And from another entrance, in the vanguard of another army, in raced a miniature tank, a motorized wheelchair carrying a roaring Rasputin resting a wicked-looking submachine gun on his plastered knees, his baleful eyes darting around, hunting without doubt for me. Just as Godfrey turned to point me out to Rasputin, I discreetly edged behind Lady Snatcher. "Yes. We should leave," I simpered. "How?"
"No problem." Xox pulled out a little device that resembled a remote control from the pocket of his trousers. "How does it work?" he mused. "Is it this button?" The chandelier came down with a colossal crash, along with a huge chunk of ceiling. The pillars supporting the rest of the ceiling began to wobble ominously. "Sorry. It's this button. There we go." A hole opened up in the parquet floor before us and a flight of stairs dropped into place. Xox politely offered his arm to Lady Snatcher. "Sorry about all the noise, dear lady. Let's continue somewhere quieter."
Xox and Lady Snatcher led the way. Lucy shepherded the other Big People along. I clasped Annichka and a trembling Barbie to my side and motioned frantically to Immanuel, Divka and Benito. The last thing I saw amidst the mayhem was Jesus in single combat with the Holy Roman Emperor. Numchuks whirling viciously like twin propellers, Jesus's face was a mask of intent and pleasurable concentration as he wreaked vengeance on Axel, who staggered about like a sleazy drunk, trying unsuccessfully to evade the brutal whipping. Axel looked like he was getting the short-end of the stick and I sighed with regret as Barbie and Annichka dragged me away from this satisfying spectacle. We followed the others through a damp catacomb. The murky maze meandered on through endless dank caverns, the eerie silence broken only by our heavy footfalls and the sound of distant water. Then the sodden track rose steeply and we were clambering along slippery ledges of hard rock. At last we emerged, breathing hard, into the light.
We were standing in the nave of the Cathedral, deep within the medieval fastness of the Castle. The flickering candlelight imbued the faces around me with a mysterious glow.
"Won't they follow us?" Benito asked.
"Probably." Xox didn't seem very worried.
"I ordered some nuclear weapons," I offered tentatively. "Should I call..."
"There's no need," Xox replied with a dismissive wave of his hand. "Our opponents must be celebrating their victory. Fighting is hungry work. They are feasting on the hors d'oeuvres that were arranged for our reception."
"You mean..."
Xox smiled. "They are almost certainly basking in peace and love even as we speak."
"So what do we do now?"
"Continue our little discussion, of course." Xox waved his arm around the cathedral. "Nice and quiet here besides a few inveterate worshippers who are used to noisy tourists."
"We could have lunch in the Castle with Wenceslas," Divka offered.
"What a very good idea," Xox beamed. "I haven't seen the President since I introduced him to vitamins. He should be most amused by all this."
"What about the university?" Immanuel asked.
"Experiment's over anyway," Otto growled. "Time to get down to the serious work."
I blinked. "You mean spreading the Nice pill all over the world?"
"You would like to put it into the drinking water, wouldn't you?" Xox winked at me. "Plop. Just like that." I blushed and hung my head. "Do you have any plans for your future?"
I shook my head. "Not really. Do you want me to go around poisoning the wells?"
"Oh no, my dear fellow." Xox seemed amused. "I have bought several mineral water companies for that purpose."
"You're going to sell the Nice water?"
"Of course." Xox spread his hands. "People are so suspicious of free things. They prefer to pay. This funny illusion of choice. So we will launch a world-wide marketing campaign with all the top models and we will charge outrageous prices. While the concept of money lasts."
"And then?"
"When money dies, so will notions of ownership. Do you have feel particularly possessive about your body, for instance? Do you need it for any special purpose?"
I looked over at Annichka. We grimaced apologetically. "Well, actually..."
"Don't worry. You can have your body most of the time," Xox said reassuringly. "I just want the use of it every once in a while." He patted his considerable belly. "Middle-aged spread, you know. No matter how much tennis you play..."
"Can I have the use of your body?" I asked cautiously, remembering the vigor and enthusiasm of his prolonged coupling with Lucy.
"Why, of course!" Xox cried. "And you are welcome to use the Learjet and the penthouse in New York and the mansion in Tuscany and the private beach in the Caribbean. Just as I can stuff myself with pizza and whisky when I am in your youthful body. It's like time-sharing. So convenient to exchange bodies periodically."
"What about Annichka?"
"Anastasia shares that body, doesn't she?" Lucy smiled at Annichka. "I've always wanted to be a redhead. Would you two mind if I joined you as well, darling?"
"Come to think of it, I'm getting tired of hobbling around with walking sticks," Hell growled unexpectedly. "Think I'll join you also. And I'm sure Rudolphine could use a vacation from Pipi periodically. Hard work, being an airhead."
Annichka burst into a radiant smile. "It sounds like fun!" my darling squealed. "Like playing with lots of crayons!"
Of course I couldn't refuse after that. I knew that no confusion of bodies could really affect us. Anastasia and I would be together, always. Xox pulled out a small box encrusted with precious stones, opened it, and handed glittering golden pills all around. "Nirvana," Xox murmured. "This is what Murti Bing and his team were working on."
"Utterly marvelous," Lady Snatcher pronounced abruptly. "May I have one too?"
"Why not?" Xox grinned. "The more, the merrier."
We raised the golden pills to our lips and smiled at one another. As I swallowed, I saw myself as through a glass, darkly, in a Tibetan monastery, meditating. But then the vision changed. The world was stifled by mushroom clouds and engulfed in flames and the screams of the damned rose high, a dim echo reaching even the arid desert plateau where I was wandering in a blind daze. And then I am among a band of fierce bearded warriors standing around a tank, scratching their heads. "Can you drive?" they demand. "Of course," I reply, a single tear of redemption coursing down my dusty cheek. And I turn the key in the ignition and the engine splutters to a start and we rumble off. "Callooh, callay!" the warriors chortle in their joy, whipping up their horses and riding along. "We have a khan!" And the cry resounds in the frozen air, as we ride off towards the rich cities of the setting sun, and more horsemen will join their number, the warriors of the indomitable sacker of cities, the father of dynasties, the immortal Genghiz...
My vision swirled away in a flash of color and I returned. The world was illuminated from within. I saw the reality of forms and shapes, the incessant movement and interaction of minute particles, the evanescence of monads. And I knew that there were other channels for anger and war, for peace and love, and that I could surf effortlessly between these myriad levels.
But then Xox pulled out the remote control from his pocket and pointed it at me and pressed a button.
